ok. first things' first.... personal life. FAMILY. my relationship whit them is okay.. except for my eldest brother (kuya igy, who just left now to go back to davao; will expound on the story later). as always, i'm always being left out, so what i do is i always go out with friends and party and slack off! my mom's [clinical] depression is okay now... but the problems are not over yet since she has this new illness *which is forgot the name* that makes her bed ridden and if we don't get to have the medicine on time (which they're ordering now since they only have it in the states) she'll slowly become a vegetable. My health naman... well, let's just say that right now, i'm still kinda freaked out coz there's a 50% chance (or more) that i have a cist or maybe even tumor in any of my ovaries. FINE!! i'm not scared of having it and the operation and shit... what i'm scared of is the thing after operation! hahahA!! dude, kadiri kaya pag may tahi ka tapos lilinisin..tapos lalagyan ng white substance to clean it that makes it bubble and stuff..tapos walang liguan?! EEW!!! anyway, un lang naman so far ang storya ng aking health. nothing new. as usual, my bronchitis is getting worse. i still have my skin allergies (which is hindi naman talaga allergy kasi psoriasis cya).

ELDEST BROTHER masama loob nya sakin coz sobrang taas ng pride nya. why? because he met ej. you guys remember ej? pinaka-bestfriend ko na guy na i've been with through a lot of shit before. from super good friends to courtship, to being mortal enemies, and to good friends.. and now, back to courtship. my brother's judging him coz ej's a 'rakista' and nung night na un nagkataon na ej and his band will be playing pa.. so they all saw him in his 'rocker-gig' look. and for a complete steroetype (sorry...make it an adjective nalang) like my kuya, sobrang ayaw niya agad. i tried explaining it to him that i've known this guy for ages already and shit...and may gig lang sila that night kaya ganun.. di pa rin niya maintindihan. sad. buong family ko naiintindihan, cya lang ang hindi.. tsk.

LOVE LIFE ayun, ako'y single pa rin at masaya! 6months single na ko on october 5. maraming nanligaw at basted sila. sa grabe ba naman ng napagdaanan ko..hindi pa kaya ako madala? parang trip ko nga mag-paka-tibo ngayon eh! AHAHAH!!! para ipamuka sa mga lalakeng yan na isang babae lamang ang pinaka-GWAPO sa mundong ito. HAHA! powcha...yan ang fighting spirit! haha! joke time. anyway, m.u. kami ni ej ngayon.. (As always actually) pero ngayon lang na-derecho na tlaga ang aking pagiisip. finally...  i was able to tell him everything i feel. i know he's super happy... why? coz he's been waiting for this for more than 3years now.. or 4. pero ingat pa rin ako cyempre.

problem: most of my relatives already know ej, and most of them still don't the new ej. he changed a lot na. and ang kilala pa rin nila ay ung lumang wala nang mas gagagago pa na ej. people change as they mature. ex. a friend of mine who used to be super warfreak..as in SOBRA. halos buong batch takot sakanya coz sobrang grabe magtaray..kahit bullies takot. pero sobrang iba na cya ngayon. wala nang aastig pa. diba liz?

SCHOOL LIFE ok lang.. finals na namin and submission of all our mini research-es (english and stat). actually in english, mini-thesis na... and mag-isa ako. hehe. still the same.. officer and shit... ok lang. story of my not-so-important school life.

THE SLACKER  nothing has changed. i'm still me. well.. maybe a bit.. coz all my friends know me as a very caring person and super sweet... but right now kasi i'm so having a hard time showing it. sa lagay na to sobra na efforts ko. ex. mom ko sobrang di ok, ano ginagawa ko? every weekend wala ako sa bahay nagpaparty. whenever i'm with her kwento lang ako... but take care of her? i don't know... i don't know how. SWEAR. another thing, last saturday when nikki and i went with ej to his friends debut (yeah...i'm a party crasher now too), when we were about to leave na ej had a bit of his asthma attack. he asked me to go with him to get some water, what did i say? "no." why? coz i dont wanna be with a guy (even the guy i've always loved) who's having an asthma attack! ano gagawin ko diba?! pano? oh tapos? sinamahan ko cya to get some water... will that help? will that make his asthma completely go away? (maybe) another reason why i'm being like this is because i'm scared that if i show them how much i care, i might freak them all out.. or they might start -mis-interpreting it like someone in my past...he left me coz he thought that i was so in to him na (that i'd offer my life to him) and shit.. but he didn't know that i was just really like that. what happened after that? i freaked out. i didn't know what to do so my initial reaction was to try to cling to him and look like an effing slut.  dude, not that i'm bitter or anything ha... this is just part of my explanation why (maybe) i am like this. MAYBE.

maybe you're wondering why "slacker"... it's because of the way i dress now. imagine the liza you guys know in jeans and plain clothes whenever she goes to the mall (podium, galle, shang, greenhills, tiendesitas!) minsan nalang naka-skirt... imagine that.  but i like it.. it's simple, comfy, uhm... interesting (?), challenging.. why? coz usually diba mas madaling mapansin if nakaporma? hehehehe oh yeah, another reason why i'm an official slacker now is because i love to bum out and not do anything from my list of priorities.

leave me to love - *fav. artist* imgen heap

Complications, more so I can say
Promises and deadlines make it hard to stay away.
All these strings are attaching to me,
And I cant find the scissors.
Yeah
All I tell them Im back and Im not.
I cant remember where I was, I forgot.
Knitting it all, these holes that I need,
To crawl through a brick wall,
Is hard to say the least.

(chorus)Wheres that thought, that thought uncomplicated things?
Wheres that peace of mind, that peace that made it easy?
Wheres that simple day, that simply made it nice to be in.
Where did it go? where did it go? where did it go?
Yeah.

I got you a murky light, tell me what can you see?
A huge cloud of shit, hanging over me.
Can you blow it all somewhere else?
Its making it hell to distinguish myself.
Tired of the tyrants who only think theyre all business.
Pissed with their patience, they constantly agree.
yes sir, yes sir, three hundred bags full.
Its easier to say yes than to say no to a fool. (chorus)

Cover me in cyanide
Cover me in ink
Cover me in formaldehyde
And leave me here to think.
Cover me in carpet
Cover me in tile.
Cover me and evict me and put me in a file.

Strip me bare, dont let me breathe.
Strip me to my skin.
Strip me so you can watch me clean off,
All these things Ive been.
Strip me naked of these walls
Strip me of all my rules
Strip me boy and see how small I am without you.

Inseminate the good now
Inseminate the pure
Inseminate all the shit that Ive forgotten how to whore.
Inseminate the natural
Inseminate the dirt
Inseminate the ineffectual
And leave me here to love.

Leave me here to love(chorus)

Leave me here to love

hellloooooooooooooooooo manila! **me me me ba..ba..ba..back!!!**

my dad's bday gift was - trip to davao.. harhar although i didn't stay in a hotel.. instead i stayed in my eldest brother's house (he's living there now coz his wife is from davao...and he loved the place too!) which is BETTER! anywhoo,lumipad ako may 5 (day after my bday agad).. harhar and since then, i never had the chance to bum out again! hahaha

may 6 - we went to matina town square (MTS) which is like eastwood..but way better! we had our dinner there and got drunk! haha! why?? coz my kuya is a cool kuya..... he treated me lotsa margarita and zombie~ (yum)

may 7 - got up early to go biking 'round davao downtown (coz that's where they live) then have lunch at amsci (in-laws' house.. mama fe's crib hehe) then after thatmy kuya and his wife went to the spa and me and my niece, meg went to SM to do some shopping (yes..i will always be a shoppaholic wherever i go) and bought a top *swimsuit* in speedo! sale kasi so P1,440 nalang!

may 8 - we ate at cecil's - davao's goldilocks! but i think it's way better eh.,. charap.. tapos uber mura pa! wehehehehee

may 9 - got up early in the morning to go to davao museum (got in for free coz  my ate pam - sis inlaw - is the secretary of the corp/org that made davao museum) cool place.. saw lots of stuff we've studied last year in our history class! and learned that davao was first a floating piece of land that only got bigger and stemmed (HAHA) because of the volcanoes on it.. anyway, after davao museum, we went to Lachi's where you'll get to taste the world's best pastries ever! the best talaga un.... after that we went to chimes! it's like a 3 story department store full of branded clothes.. parang department story ng shangrila ayun.. nagtingin kami ng Apple/Mac products.. and we all fell in love with thei new laptop iMac/MacBook! GANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehehe after that we went to novatiera (subdivision) to meet my cuz there and her kids

may 12 - we biked from house to ateneo then ate halo halo while waiting for meg to finish her aikido (3km ang binike ata namin.. or 2?)

may 14 - got up early in the morning to go to the wet market using bikes ulit.. haha! (mountain bike yan ha...) then for dinner we went to a resto beside the beach.. hehe

may 17 - woke up at 5am in the morning to go to paradise island resort (samal island)! yey!! weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! saya... pero dami nga lang planktons sa beach na un.. hehehe pero super linis ng water coz hanggang sa shore may small fishies na nagsswim!haha then after lunch we went to eden naman! it's like their tagaytay highlands! the only difference is that it's wayyyyyyyyyyy BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lahat andun na.. it's located on the foot of mt.apo (So malamig dun) then after that we went down na to have our dinner at harana (mongolian restaurant) sarap sobra.. andun din favorite sashimi ko

may 18 - went to MTS again to have dinner with cuz and her kids

may 19 - we ate kababs for merienda!! (THE BEST shawarma na hindi shawarma na parang shawarma na natikman ko at nakain sa buong buhay ko!! hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa) after that we went to the shrine (parang antipolo church nila..the only difference is that it's way better coz malaki land nya..tapos may resto and tambayan and mini zoo sa lood..dami!) then we went to jack's ridge (parang padis' point ng sumulong na kita mo buong davao naman)

may 20 to 21 - overnight kami sa samal island pero sa mountain nya.. sa isang resort ng friend ng kuya ko for free coz he'll be the one to do their brocchure (ocianic view resort) ganda! hehe..

may 23 - we went to bunawan (dulo ng davao del sur yan sa bandang south ata..) kasi fiesta sa barangay ni mama fe (may farm sila dun) ayun..saya tapos ng mga 5pm na while waiting for meg and miguel finish their aikido, kami ng kuya ko and mog (pamangkin) nagpunta sa SM para mag-parebook ng flight.. kasi mag-eextend na ko! haha tapos nagtreat ako sa pancake house.. foodtirp.. sarap sobra ng  4 seasons waffle and club sandwich mukang tanga)

may 25 - nag-river cruise kami around davao river.. ganda at ang saya di mo pwede gawin yan dito mamamatay ka sa baho! HAHAHA!!! tapos after lunch i went to ateneo with meg and miguel.. samahan ko sila sa aikido (last day na kasi nila so nanood ako) hehe

may 26 - we went to crocodile park! sayaaaaaaaaaa.,... hehe kulit sobra! ganda! tapos dinner at cathlyn's lechon something..simple carinderia pero sarap sobra.. (walang pakialam pala mga tao dun kahit saan ka kumain kasi kahit mga pinakamayayaman dun sobrang simple din)

may 27 to 28 - we went to mati! ayan na... mas maganda tong place na to kesa sa bora! swear... ANG GANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

may 29 - we went to karlyn's to have steak for lunch.. hehe sobrang mura ng steak dun at sobrang sarap at laki pa.. 100 per head lang pala dun kasama na ang drinks!

may 30 - we went to NCCC (mall dun..) and watched da vinci

may 31 - we went to SM to eat at bigby's! parang friday's nila dun.. pero mas masarap..... hahahhaa!! (pansin nyo?! puro kain ako noh!? hahaha!) oo.. tumaba ako! oh ano?! masaya na kayo kasi may chance na kayong matalo ka-sexihan ko noh?! NYAAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!! joke time!

june 2 - treat ko dinner at buffet palace! mukang tanga ung place na  un.. sobrang sarap ng food.. tapos ung mga food na nasa buffet ay sashimi, fish, sushi. siomai, dumplings, halo-halo, desserts.. DAMI!! ang di lang buffet ay ang drinks.. grabe.. 6 kami at ang nagastos ko lang at 1.5k! mura..

june 3 - got up early in the morning to do some last minute swimming at paradise island. but here's the catch.. we're just gonna drop off ate pam and the 2 boys (kasi bata pa) sa sakayan ng boat papuntang paradise.. then leave the car there.. and from there bike na kami to ocianic something.. (ferry cya) para sakay kami dun papuntang samal island then bike going to paradise island resort! oh diba?! haha.. grabe ung biking na un.. dadaan ka kasi ng bundok na lubak lubak papunta sa p.i.resort eh.. tapos pauwi ganun ulit.. haha ASTIG!

june 4 - got up early to do some last minute shopping pang pasalubong for parents..and family.. then had lunch at amsci.. we ate lechon with crabs in it and crabs din na hiwalay na niluto naman! SARAP! haha! tapos punta na ng airport.. kasi flight ko is 1:50pm.. pero since na-delay, naging 2:35pm.. ayun..

and now.. i'm missing davao..but most of all.. my brother and his family.. 

been sick (fever) for 4 days now and yesterday was the worst. My temparature reached 39.5 degrees celsius.. haay.. then my legs went numb, my skin becamse extra sensitive na onting touch lang super hapdi na. gawsh... pero as of now, la naman ako sakit.. pero ramdam ko pa rin na meron pang di lumalabas.

about life, im fine with being sick.. even if it's really really painful.. at sobrang hirap.. kasi i could barely walk. pero kung sakin ibibigay ung nararamdaman ng mom ko at ni ate maribelle (my kumare).. sobrang okay pa rin ako.. kasi unang una: my brothers and my dad need my mom more. why? coz my mom's my dad's soulmate..and my brothers..duh?mom nila yan! kahit mga 20+ na yan the way i see it..and the way they behave.. sobrang obvious na kelangan pa nila talaga sobra ng nanay. Tapos si ate maribelle.. she has 5 kids.. and ang pinakamatanda na dun sa lima na un is 12.. tapos inaanak ko pa isa dun.. they don't deserve to suffer like that.. and they can't afford to have her in the hospital coz the kids need a mother and it's way too expensive for them.. ako nalang sana.. ang sama ng loob ko..

haay..sunday ngayon at di ko sure kung makakapunta pa ko ng mass dahil ayaw ng aking ama na lumabas muna ako.. hmm.. chino went here this afternoon to give me his pasalubongs.. in fairness, isa cya sa mga taong nakapagpasaya at smile talaga sakin lately. He's a good friend of mine ha!? kaya mga  dudettes.. walang asaran..

my plans..right now, i just wanna go to davao as early as possible na.. although i also wanna spend my bday with my parents, relatives, and friends,, haay..

*this entry's not detailed. the details are too gory//juicy to be posted...* si noe, angela, at jikki ang nakakalam kung ano na nangyayari sa utak ko. atbp.. cguro? haay.. 

could someone pls give me an escape route from reality?! PLEASE?! 

Okay, this is a preview of the present me...

All my life i've always doubted myself.. and most especially - GOD. I don't understand why things happen and even if my friends tell me that things happen for a reason... i still can't understand. Why? Coz i've been too exposed to the "modern" world. There's nothing wrong with being modern... but to be exposed (way too much) to parties like night life (that serve as my easy solution to problems..ex.moving on over a boyfriend), weekly shopping(another easy solution to forget problems), and too much leisure, i became too materialistic and forgot what mattered way way way MUCH MORE - that the reason to live is ONLY GOD and to live this kind of life, i'll have to live THROUGH GOD.

Ever since i was 13, i always believed that the only way to find true and everlasting happiness, satisfaction... everything! is when i once have God in me. I got the first part right, but the second one - WRONG! One cannot fully have God because it takes a lifetime to prove one's faith. God is everyone's bestfriend, and like us, we encounter problems with our bestfriend/s. The same with God. And that is why everyday, every hour, and every second of my life, i plan to dedicate to God (well...i know it's impossible...for us humans. hehe but it's the thought that counts right?). I know a lot of blind people will criticize me for this, but i dont care anymore... just like what Jesus told his disciples to expect that sooner or later they will be persecuted but they shouldn't fear because there is something greater that will be waiting for them if they follow Jesus (ok..im the type who can't memorize passages ok?! but if you wanna check, go ahead.. it's somewhere between Matthew 10-12).

From now on, i will live a godly life... and pls friends, help me. one cannot grow in faith alone... ayt jik?! :D

***Parang di ako... yeah, i know! pero i really think and feel that im doing way better now. more optimistic in life, more open, and most especially... closer to God. kaya if any of you have problem/s, im just here..if you guys want basahin nyo ung Purpose Driven Life. GANDA YUN! 40days of religious rehab. hehe..  pero to lang ha.. one thing i learned... i will never grow if i dont read the BIBLE... coz that is the only way to really get to know our God, Jesus Christ more.

anywhoo... miss ya'll! hope to seeya guys soon! ano?? summer job? swimming? shopping? movie? heheheheheheheheee oo na... pero di na ko grabeh tulad ng dati noh! besides.. kakastart ko palang sa aking 'religious rehab' oh well.. ingat po kayong lahat! luv ya'll and God bless!

I LOVE GOD. *whew* I've been keeping that kind of feeling all my life and now I realized I have to let it out and be more true to myself.